I can't keep so many thoughts in my head at one time, its dangerous. I decided that it has been too long since I SERIOUSLY blogged. I felt the odd sensation that I needed to write. Not that I necessarily want to, but that if I didn't the words would rip straight out of me onto paper anyway. So I chose the computer, deciding that if the pen was mightier than the sword, than the keypad is surely mightier than the crazy chest bursting time bomb trying to go off within me. I guess I should start with what I have been up to lately. I never seem to remember all the things that I want to write about. I think so much at one time, that I end up forgetting and getting frustrated and then quitting far too early (see nearly all other bloggings). But I vow to earnestly try to remember all the pointless shit that I wanted to ramble about in the first place.
AND away we go....
As of late the movie crew have decided that in order to spark intelligent conversation, there can not be more than 3 people in the room. Four bad, three amazing, two acceptable, one fucking crazy. Rule number 2- Alex is not allowed. You see, Alex says things before thinking about them. In the same night that he blasted interracial couples, he talked about wishing he had a time machine. He probably should use that time machine to go back and completely erase the prejudiced hoopla that escaped his brain.
The conversations mostly revolve around God. The taboo of all taboos. The one sure good in the world among the millions of vile evil acts taken out in his/her name. Kevin and I are mostly in agreement on this subject. We both love God very much, but clearly find it hard to comprehend belief structures. I know I am going to offend nearly everyone by saying that I love the idea of simply being a good person with a spiritual nature. Gandhi once said that all religions are true, and I sincerely wish that everyone believed this. They all center around good being good and evil being evil with, in my opinion some minor differences. But why violence, prejudice? Why are people, who claim to be dedicated to doing the work of God, also killers, rapists, racists etc. I think I may be straying off topic, and I don't really like to tread the line between acceptable and offensive writing, so I will stop with this subject.
Our group, besides dealing with issues that are way beyond any human's mental capacity, has been struggling with its own problems. Dana, who I do love very much, regardless of what some people think, has been causing somewhat of a rift. I am downright offended by what she says sometimes. Honestly if you have a problem with me I would rather you tell me to my face than sending Sarah cryptic text messages about "the others" corrupting her and manipulating her. I must be frank when I say that true manipulation is crying on the phone to your so called best friends threatening to kill yourself for not being with them, even though you were clearly invited. And then telling them everythings fine and that you were joking. Suicide is no joke. It is a serious matter and I am hurt by the fact that you would play that card with us. We stood by you when the guys told us that you were changing Sarah for the worst. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't mindfuck us like that. Thanks.
On a lighter note, I have nearly finished my summer reading. It feels wrong saying that sentence with 20 days left until school, and not 20 hours. The Road was creepy. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime was an insightful look at an autistic boy. Life of Pi was fantastic! It is beautiful and sad and sickening. Its one of those books where you don't know how to feel at the end because 14 different emotions are seeping out of you.
I have been reading The Sea for some time now. If you know me well, you will be aware that normally I speed through books. And while the Sea is by far the shortest of my books, I haven't been able to wrap my head around it. The others seem so colorful by comparison. Although the Road is very dark and the others are too in their own way, the very much realistic events in the Sea just get to you. The premise is essentially a widower looking back at his past in order to figure out his future. I wonder if I can learn anything from the past. Sometimes I will sit and ponder, thinking about mistakes I made, or things I should have said differently. But I don't think the character is examining his past because he feels like he needs to learn, I think he is trying to escape the somewhat zombie like state he has been in since the death of his wife. He just wants to feel something again, which is awfully tragic. Sorry I don't mean to bore you with my terrible analysis of my latest read. I'll move on.
I love my sister. More than any other person in the world. Lately she has been so angry with everyone and it is getting her in trouble. Shes even been lying to me. She told my mother that the only person she can tell everything to is her friend Nicole. That sucked to hear. I thought I was her best friend. I protected her when I knew I should have told my parents about stupid stuff she did, and she says that she can't trust me with everything. I tell her everything and it just sucks when you find out that the person you're closest to doesn't trust you anymore. I don't know what I did. Oh, well. She has been getting into a ton of trouble lately and even threatened my mother. We all had a long talk and she said that she just lets all her emotions build up inside of her, and then they just end up rocketing out of her. I suggested that she go see someone to talk to, but she got sort of offended. I tried to explain to her about when I used to go see Kim and how much it helped but she really didn't listen. Sigh...
I am really trying to stay off the depressing subjects, but I keep finding them. Surprisingly enough, I am not unhappy at all lately. I have been making some changes which I feel are really good for me. I started working out again, and have been eating much healthier. I am much more relaxed after I exercise. I think I really needed to start worrying about myself for once. If you know me very well, you also know how much I obsess over how other people are feeling. Kevin understands because we are the two most empathetic people in the world. We feel bad for people in movies, and even yell at them or get embarrassed when they make mistakes. Although I am not as bad as he is; Kevin holds his breath during drowning scenes in movies. But yes, I must admit that being a little selfish can be good once in a while. Not to mention that my dreams of an awesome abdominal area are just a couple months of hard work away.
Today I was reading an interview/article about Robert Downey Jr. in Rolling Stone. The man is fascinating. He is completely crazy, changes from day to day. I can hardly understand his superfluous manner of speaking, he says the strangest stuff, constantly speaking in metaphors. Although he tries to escape his tragic past, it is part of what makes him and his career so remarkable. Kudos to you, Robert.
Whilst on the subject of actors and movies and things I did today, I should mention a wonderful little movie I watched today called the Jane Austen Book Club. Clearly all the men are going to steer away from this one, but ladies if you are looking for a good chick flick head straight for this one. Oh and both men and women should check out Pineapple Express, possibly the funniest movie of the year. James Franco is a god when playing a drug dealer. And to think the role was almost Rogen's. Sigh.
Don't even ask about the love life. Its non existent. Thats right. STILL extinct. Apparently never to be resurrected. GAH. Its almost cruel because I am such a sickly, hopeless romantic. I think I will just wait until college.
Speaking of romantic, I must say that although I was originally displeased with Breaking Dawn, it has come to grow on me, and I am glad Mrs. Meyer ended it the way she did. Bravo!
And I think this is where I stop. I was going to keep going, but I once again forgot where exactly I was going with this thing. Eh, well.
Goodnight all.
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