Cave. Mumford & Sons

Today is a good day.

I was in Spanish, and I looked over at Rob's homework, at the sample question we had to make up ourselves and I saw this:

"Le compraste los flores para tu novia?

Si, se los compre."

I'm a loser.

And I can't stop listening to weird folk music that the woman who works in the Chapel listens to.

But I am content.

Awake My Soul. Mumford & Sons

Hello there :D

I realize I haven't written in quite some time, but after talking my mother's ears off for an hour, she made the kind suggestion that I blog about something. Perhaps it was just her way of getting me off the phone, but I'd like to think that it was for my own good :) School is back in session, and although I am already extraordinarily anxious and nervous, just like I always am, I am very very excited for this year. I'm basically trying to immerse myself in everything and make my studies much more fun that I normally would perceive them to be. I really do miss DR's class, because it was a nice outlet for my creative thought, but I guess I just need to find a way to make the sciences a bit more creative. And what better way than Project Lab, or as my wonderful boyfriend referred to it, PLab. Each year, a professor picks a topic for the lab, and this year's is nanorust, some form of nanotechnology that is used for a variety of things, among them the control of arsenic in water supply. I think its pretty interesting, and I was also thinking about the applications of nanotechnology in my new love, neuroscience. I definitely want to go talk to Jeremy, but for fear of looking like an all too eager freshman I probably will wait a bit. But in the meantime, I'll keep cyberstalking Caroline's roommate and annoying her with questions on the subject. But hey, Caitlin is extremely nice and I even had dinner with her and Caroline last week. We discussed research and classes and everything basically involved with it. I just keep getting very excited about the future, I'm already picking what classes I want to take next semester, but I guess I should try and focus on surviving this one. Poo.

But anyways, other than class, what have I been up to? Well I am finally back on campus and have somewhat of a life. Friday night was wonderfully epic. I am kind of scared of myself though. I know that my family has a history of alcoholism, so I am very scared of alcohol, and I am veryyyyy careful. But sometimes I just want to have fun, and I don't know if that justifies it. I always feel very guilty but I do know my limits, and even if my friends who have never drank just joke around with me about it, sometimes it really hurts when they make fun of me. I was always against drinking unreasonably, but sometimes its fun in moderation. I can be sober one weekend, and drink the next or whatever, but I'm not going to be a crazy partier, I refuse. So, I just feel like an ass when my friends joke around with it because I know that its not exactly a great thing to do. I don't know, its hard to reconcile how I felt in the past about it with how I feel now. I refuse to turn into anyone in my family when it comes to drinking. But I don't know. I fucking hate hypocrites, so I really don't want to turn into one.

But yes, despite arguing with myself, I had a damn good time on Friday. The girls just cut loose a bit and I got a bit past tipsy, but all was well. Saturday morning, I felt guilty and the weather was terrible, so my SAD was kicking in. I called my mom and asked her to get me a light for light therapy because Michelle uses one and highly recommends one. I really just need to stop feeling shitty during the winter. I am human, not perfect, and I know this very well, yet I can't help but be my greatest critic. God only knows that I need the sun right now, but I find it difficult to want to go outside. I just talked to everyone, I even opened up to Amanda about it. I always feel so weird, like everyone's either going to judge me, or blow me off as "another depressed emotional teen." But its nice to know that someone actually listens, and that others know what I'm going through. I still haven't told Rob about it, but I almost did. I just really don't want him to have to worry about me or to take care of his crazy girlfriend. But I will eventually. Its not that I'm scared of opening up to him, its just that we haven't really reached that level too much. Although, in a step for the better, we did have a nice heart to heart on Saturday. On Saturday, he did something which I told him he could, because its his life and his decision and I didn't think it would bother me, but it just weirded me out. So I told him and we talked for awhile and he said he understood. I told him that I didn't want to worry him, but that it scared me a little, and he said he was glad we talked and that it wasn't weird. Its odd, because he keeps talking about it, and I don't know how I feel about it. He's obviously worried that he hurt me, but he shouldn't because I really care about him and thats why I was so uncomfortable.

But Saturday night was definitely wonderful :) The girls got together in Anne's room and read through some Kama Sutra, which was probably one of the funniest things I've ever been a part of. However, since I am the only one who has a boyfriend that actually goes here, the night was pretty much designed just to make fun of me, which I'm totally cool with. And about the whole "are we moving at the right pace thing" that keeps coming up, I've decided not to care, because I really really really like Rob and I know he likes me so its okay. I'm just trying to be comfortable with myself and I know he is very respectful which is awesome!

Sunday, I went out to breakfast with the girls, but then had to meet my dad for lunch. It was very nice and I went to Target with him. I really didn't do much aside from that, but I'd say it was a successful first week of school.

But this is getting kind of lengthy and I kind of forget where I was going with this. I just needed to write a wee bit. Well, I am going to go :)

Hasta luego!

Jackie.

Reason to Believe. Dashboard Confessional

Life is good. 2 exams down, 1 to go. And you know what, I think I'll be fine. And I get to relax for a whole month!

I am really really enjoying life despite its stressful moments. I'm so excited that I get to see everyone from home, although I really don't know what I'll be doing for an entire month. I need to go Christmas shopping.. and bake. Blah. I MISS MICHELLE. AND JOYUH! And everyone. The family. My friends. But its going to be terrible leaving the Berg for a whole month. Somehow, I'll survive though.

Basically, DR's final paper sucked whatever minimal ability I had to write out of me... blech.

well, hello there mental breakdown. haven't seen you in awhile.

Wishing Well. The Airborne Toxic Event

Copying the Copycat I guess.

Severe Boredom.... skipping F&W. Not much to do until I pick classes soooooo...

What is the relationship between you and the last person you kissed?
In a relationship :p

Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?
Yes.

Something that happened today that made you angry?
I have a Chemistry test and I just wanna go homeeeee.

What were you doing before this survey?
Reading this survey on Michelle's blog.

What are you looking forward to in the next few months?
BREAK!

Did the last guy/girl you kissed have any tattoos?
He once had an airbrush tattoo that said 'bad girl' :D

Do you think you could live with your best friend?
Hell yes. But it would be crazy and I would accomplish nothing haha.

Are you starting to realize anything?
Mhm.

Does seeing couples in love make you mad?
Occasionally. As long as they don't shove it in your face..

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
Oh. No. haha.

Do you know a secret about your last ex that would embarrass them?
Two words: Secret. Life.

What are you doing tomorrow?
SLEEPING.

Who are you conversing with right now?
Just this survey.

What is something you disliked about your day?
CHEM.

Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around?
A few people. It makes me happy!

Do you think you’ll have the same best friends a year from now?
Hopefully. I'm pretty certain about a few.

Do you think relationships are hard?
Yes.

Is life good?
Right now it is.

Do you open up to a lot of people?
I'm surprisingly open if you take the time to get to know me. I just come off shy, but I'm actually kind of crazy.

Whats the last thing you heard?
People next door.

Would you live with someone with out marrying them?
Probably.

Who was your last text from?
Rob.

Do you and this person have a good relationship?
Um. I hope so.

Have you ever gotten butterflies from someone?
Yes =D

Besides this, what are you doing right now?
Listening to some Muse. Thinking about my schedule and how many of my classes are already full.

Will you be up before 7AM tomorrow?
NOOOOOOOOOO.

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?
I was up in the middle of the night. But no.

What was the last thing you drank?
Water.

Did you have a dream last night?
Yes. About classes, naturally.

Did you get anything off your chest today?
No.

Who was the first person you talked to today?
Megan.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
Meh.

Whats wrong?
CHEMMMMMMMM.

Do you like someone more than a friend right now?
Yes. Haha.

What does your 8th text say? From?
Haha um... "I'm sorry. Id kiss it and make it better but im far away =( but anywho, apparently we are going over now so whenever youre ready you can meet us =D"

Is there anyone you trust even though you should not?
Yes.

Relationship or hookup?
Relationship.

Few close friends or many acquaintances?
Few close friends.

How’s your heart lately?
Good.

Are you afraid of falling in love?
Terrified.

What are you wearing right now?
A blue spaghetti strap. Although its a bit cold.

Are you talking to someone while doing this?
Nah.

If a bear attacked you, would you know how to defend yourself?
Aren't you supposed to play dead?

How clean is your room?
Um... Well my part will sooooonnn be clean.

What are you excited for?
BREAKKK.

Things you first notice about the opposite sex?
Eyes typically.

Who woke you up this morning?
The sun.

What is your current mood?
Anxious.

What color shirt are you wearing?
Pale blue.

Are you happy right now?
Generally yes. At this moment, meh.

What were you doing at 11:00 last night?
:D

What are you doing tonight?
Dunno. Sleeping.

What have you done today?
Nothing yet.

Last thing you bought?
Dinner at Sandella's.

How much money do you have on you?
Not much. $10?

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
Surely.

Looking back, did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl?
Um... yes. Entirely too long.

Are you going to be completely honest and open?
I do try, its difficult sometimes.

Do you drink beer?
Not often.

Who introduced you to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend?
Wow. Um. I have no clue.

Do you like pickles?
Yes. Just not the sweet ones.

What is your favorite kind of gum?
Stride. The yellow. It tastes like the zebra gum, but lasts longer than 10 seconds.

When you’re at the grocery store do you use the self checkout?
Fairly often.

Are you flexible?
After yoga.

What if the last person you kissed was kissing someone else right in front of you?
I'd be hurt.

Do you want to know the date of your death?
No.

Have you cuddled with someone you weren’t dating?

No.

Anyone you would like to get things straight with?
Not at the moment. Oh wait maybe.

Is there anyone you wouldn’t mind punching?
A few people, luckily I have wonderful self-control....

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a K?
Last name?

Is your hair naturally straight?
Yes.

Do you think love is overrated?
I'm trying not to.

What are you listening to?
Exogenesis: Part 1 (Overture) by Muse.

Do you eat breakfast daily?
Cheerios... and of course Saturday (Sunday) Breakfast.

Would you prefer a baby girl or boy?
Um... I'm not sure at the moment.

Last awkward moment?
Haha. I'm a generally awkward person.

The last person you kissed hates you. Why?
Poo... I don't know... I found his tickle spot maybe... muahhaha.

Ever dated anyone your best friend had already dated?
No?

Is green your favorite color?
TEAL.

Is there anyone you couldn’t live without?
Yes.

Do you think you can know everything about a person?
No.

Would you kiss someone you just met, just because they’re hot?
No.

If you got expelled from school, what school would you go to next?
Ursinus.

Have you hugged anyone in the last 24 hours?
Yes.

What do you usually do when the clock turns 11:11?

Wish.

Do you like your cell phone?
Sort of. Although it doesn't come off that way every time I drop it, which is often.

Do you prefer to call or text?
Depends on the person... mostly text.

Who do you have texts from in your inbox?
Rob, Anne, God (Shannon), Julia, Michelle, Boris.

Have you kissed one person 20 times or more this year?
I think haha.

Does someone miss you?
Yes. And I miss them.

Do you wash your hair in the shower?
Yes.

Do you get annoyed by one word responses?
Often. Haha.

Whats you’re favorite sports teams?
Don't really have one.

Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone a lot?
Yes.

Is the person you last texted single?

I hope not...

Does it bother you when you text somebody and they take forever to respond?
Yes. Haha. I'm a crazy fast responder normally. I feel creepy if the person doesn't reciprocate in a relatively quick manner.

Can you play the piano?
No.

Have you ever left or found a message in a bottle?
No.

Do you like Guitar Hero?
No.

Has a teacher ever been mad at you?
Haha. MESSA!

Do you have a box of old pictures?
I have a couple here in my dorm.

Where is one place in the world you want to go?
London.

What is the scariest movie?
Drag Me to HELL! Oh, Michelle.

Do you find smoking unattractive?
Not really. I'm an asthmatic.

In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
Jackets.

Do you get jealous easily?
I tryyyyy not to.

When people say “I don’t ever talk about anyone” do you believe it?
Meh.

Is there a girl you would do anything for?
Absolutely. 2 or 3.

Would you rather be in a relationship or play the field?
Relationship.

Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
No.

Would you date someone if they asked you right now?
Already am.

Have you ever in anyway been betrayed by someone you trust?
Yesssss.

Would you rather date someone older than you or younger?
Doesn't really make a difference. Unless its years... then older.

Do you remember who you liked on New Years?
Yes. >_<

Have you ever been around a person who was high?
HAHAHAHA. "So basically, we are all mimes, and we strive to reach nirvana as clowns. Then we are no longer silenced."

Are promises important to you?
Yes.

Is there a chance you will kiss the person you have feelings for?
Yes.

Did anything “cute” happen in this week?
Hahah. Yes.

When’s the last time you were surprised?
Um.. its been happening frequently.

What do you really want?
To be done with the Chemistry test.

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
Surely.

Whose bed were you on last?
Mine.

Do you trust all of your friends?
Most of them.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
Yes.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now?

Haha I've been in worse.

Would you rather love one person or have many short relationships?
One.

Do you remember who you liked 3 months ago?
I didn't really know many people then.. haha MICHELLE!

Whenever You Breathe Out, I Breathe In (Positive Negative). Modest Mouse

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? There are no doors on my closet, but if I was home they would be closed so that the monsters wouldn't get me.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Always do.

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? In. However, I untuck them during the night.

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No, but I've wanted to.

5. Do you like to use post-it notes? Yes. I have a hard time remembering things.

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? I don't usually do, but my mom does.

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Probably a bear.

8. Do you have freckles? During summer.

9. Do you always smile for pictures? Yes. Or made a ridiculously hideous face.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve? I don't like the sound people make when they chew.

11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? All the time. I also make sure there is a pattern to when I step on cracks.

12. Have you ever peed in the woods? No.

13. What about pooped in the woods? No.

14. Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? All the time.

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? No. But I put pens in my hair.

16. How many people have you slept with this week? Sexual sense, none.

17. What size is your bed? Tiny.

18. What is your Song of the week? "Walk on the Ocean" by Toad and the Wet Sprocket.

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Occasionally.

20. Do you still watch cartoons? Occasionally.

21. Whats your least favorite movie? I don't quite remember what it was, but I know there was a guy on Mars with an alien and I was around 7 and couldn't appreciate that many red tones in once sitting.

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? On the brown lawn.

23. What do you drink with dinner? Water.

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Imitation chicken nuggets are very tasty with barbeque sauce.

25. What is your favorite food? Currently the Vegetarian Wrap with hummus. ^_^

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Rocky Horror, Pride and Prejudice, The Parent Trap, 10 Things.

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you? Rob.

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? A brownie. I crossed the bridge to be a Junior and decided I hated it and quit.

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Probably not.

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Probably writing to Phil over summer.

31. Can you change the oil on a car? No.

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Never driven.

33. Ran out of gas? See above.

34. Favorite kind of sandwich? Vegetarian Wrap.

35 Best thing to eat for breakfast? Anything on Saturday (or Sunday) breakfast is suitable.

36. What is your usual bedtime? Lately, around 1.

37. Are you lazy? Incredibly.

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? Belle, around 3-4 times.

39. What is your Chinese astrological sign? Um, sheep?

40. How many languages can you speak? 1 and a 5/8. English, 1/2 Spanish and maybe an eighth of Latin.

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? I had one to Rolling Stone. It ran out but they keep sending me stuff.

42..Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Legos.

43. Are you stubborn? Not particularly.

44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman? Conan.

45. Ever watch soap operas? Once. Very overdramatic.

46. Afraid of heights? Yes. Not so much as of late, but yes.

47. Sing in the car? YES.

48. Dance in the shower? Sadly, I do. To the music in my head.

49. Dance in the car? Yes.

50. Ever used a gun? Once. I was seven haha. It was New Year's.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Senior portraits?

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Some. The better ones not so much.

53. Is Christmas stressful? Depends on when you do your shopping. This year, probably.

54. Ever eat a pierogi? Mmmm. Cheese and potato.

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Cherry.

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Doctor, Lawyer, Teacher, Rock star.

57. Do you believe in ghosts? Spirits.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yes.

59. Take a vitamin daily? E.

60. Wear slippers? Mhm.

61. Wear a bath robe? No.

62. What do you wear to bed? Tee shirt and shorts or sweats.

63. First concert? Dave Matthews Band.

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target!

65. Nike or Adidas? Vans.

66.Cheetos Or Fritos? Munchos.

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Almonds.

68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? Nope.

69. Ever take dance lessons? When I was 5. I was particularly skilled at the Macarena.

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Not in particular.

71. Can you curl your tongue? Sadly, no.

72. Ever won a spelling bee? Yes actually haha.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Once or twice maybe. Kairos.

74. Own any record albums? A couple Bowie.

75. Own a record player? Yes.

76. Regularly burn incense? Used to. All of its at my house because we can't have fire in our dorms.

77. Ever been in love? Don't know. Don't think so yet.

78. Who would you like to see in concert? Muse.

79. What was the last concert you saw? Probably the Jonas Brothers... sigh...

80.Hot tea or cold tea? Medium?

81.Tea or coffee? Decaf tea.

82. Sugar or snickerdoodles? Snickerdoodles... or peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.

83.Can you swim well? Fairly decent.

84.Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes.

85. Are you patient? Most of the time.

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Hm... DJ with a good indie selection.

87.Ever won a contest? Yes.

88. Ever have plastic surgery? No.

89. Which are better black or green olives? Green.

90.Can you knit or crochet? I can knit to an extent.

91. Best room for a fireplace? Seegers?

92. Do you want to get married? Someday maybe.

93. If married, how long have you been married? N/A.

94. Who was your HS crush? Hot Pizza guy. or Hot Physics guy. I've had many.

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? I used to.

96. Do you have kids? No.

97. Do you want kids? I want to adopt. Maybe have one of my own.

98. Whats your favorite color? That teal color of the ocean. I have a plan to paint my bathroom that color and then get a glass shower door so that I can imagine I'm swimming in the ocean when I'm showering.

99. Do you miss anyone right now? I miss a lot of people.

100. Did you watch, Next Great American Band on FOX? Actually I did. Johnny Reznik was kind of a jerk. It was saddening.

Such Great Heights. The Postal Service

^_^

Sorry for all of my ranting... or actually lack thereof lately. Michelle has been posting like there's no tomorrow, and I have been a bit lax. But just be assured, everything is great. Better than great. Life is wonderful. I'm starting to get past the worrying about the future thing, because I'm just really happy. But enough about that whole thing, which by the way my whole rant last time was pretty much useless... for some reason he really must like me and I REALLY must love overreacting.

So in other news, everyone has picked schedules except the last half of the freshman class... which is actually the FIRST half of the freshman class, needless to say ME. But I have everything planned out to a T and if something goes wrong I'm SCREWED. YAY! But I'll figure it out. Biology II, Chemistry II, labs for both, Calculus III, Intermediate Spanish II and either Art History II or Intro to Sociology. But I guess I'll just have to figure it all out before my Chemistry test on Tuesday. Wonderful!

So what have I been up to lately? Not much actually. Last night Anne, Shannon and I ordered chinese and watched the Illusionist before going with the guys to Jon's Improv show, which was AWESOME. He always seems so quiet when I go over there, so I hardly expected that. Then we went to the GQ and afterward I watched Rob play Zelda (which was actually more of "I fell asleep while Rob played Zelda"). I got back to my room around 3 and here I am now.

There are only 4 days until I go home! I'm very excited, but its going to be weird to leave my bubble. I like it here, but I miss home and all of my family so much! Julia and I were on the phone for like an hour the other day. She has been super stressed out. At one point our conversation got very emotional because I explained that no matter what I would still love her, and she started crying. I feel really terrible, because I think she's realizing college is a lot harder than she expected. :-/

TURKEY day. So excited ^_^

Until we meet again,

Jackie