Weekend Wars. MGMT

I love college, and I live for the weekends. They just keep getting better, I don't understand it. This past weekend was so amazing. Friday I decided it was really important to take a nap. We didn't do too much except go out to dinner in a group. It was awesome. We went to Outback, which has a limited selection for vegetarians but there was some amazing company, so all was well. Then we went to Prosser and watched some Demetri Martin before wandering around aimlessly. I went to bed around midnight because I was ridiculously tired.

The next morning, I went to breakfast with Rob, and we had some wonderful conversation about a bee that was crawling up the window. Fantastic. I did some Biology. Not much happened until I studied Chemistry a bit, and then I found out some of the Prosser guys were in Brown. We all hung out for a bit here, then went to GQ. After, we headed to Prosser, and some alcohol consumption commenced. I barely had anything, and we all decided to go for a walk. It was very relaxing and turned into an epic time when we stumbled upon a student performer in the Red Door. He was brilliant and had some amazing lyrics! Kudos to Shannon and I wanting to check our mail. Great success.

We returned to Prosser and continued some drinking, although I really didn't have much of anything. Derek drunk texted Julia, and then she called and talked to both Derek and Ish. And Ish kept pulling his pants down for some reason, although that was definitely one of the lower points of the night.. sigh.. After awhile we all started talking in the hallway while Amanda and Matt were in Matt and Rob's room alone. So everyone turned into just Rob and I lying on the Prosser hallway floor. It was amazing, and we talked for.. awhile. I didn't make it back to Brown until lateeeeee. But I even got a hug out of the night.. great success! Once again, I seriously enjoy being his friend, so I kind of wish everyone would stop pushing things.. he just got out of a relationship. I can't help liking him, but I can hopefully get everyone to stop dropping insane hints about it... blarrggh.

Today I went to Bat Boy..... which was SUPERB. I loved it... And then Dorney. So much fun. But I hopefully don't die tomorrow of sleep deprivation..

Much love,

Jackie.

I Found Away. Alkaline Trio

Okay, I can't deny it anymore. Everyone know haha. Its almost pathetic, but its more or less hilarious. I don't even know why I won't talk about it. Well, in the spirit of liberation, here it goes: I like Rob. Like... alot. Its ridiculous. And its kind of useless because he probably doesn't feel the same way. I'm telling myself its okay if he doesn't, but it will still suck a bit. Gah, he must know. If he doesn't like me, I wish he would tell me so I can get over it! I'm such a girl. I always want to be different than the typical ditzy blonde stereotype, but sometimes, its who I am. Blech. Haha. I'm so crazy. I get all tongue tied and stupid. >_<

Anyways. I got a letter from my favorite aunt! It was so great, because I miss her so much! I wrote her back via email (because let's face it, I'll never understand the mail room, BUT that doesn't mean I don't want letters ^.^) and it was ridiculously cheesy. But thats okay, because today is a good day. It will be a good day!

I forgot why I wanted to write this. Maybe I'll come back later when I have more time... Hm...

Neighborhood 2 (Laika). Arcade Fire

This is the best fucking video ever. Watch it. And note the way the two members of the band beat the crap out of each other with drumsticks. Perfect.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vMjM7FKjIg

Crosses. Jose Gonzales

"Don't you know that I'll be around to guide you,

Through your weakest moments, to leave them behind you?"

Michelle,

You can't imagine how much your kind words meant to me. I think its time for me to let you know how much I love you. I know things are very hard right now, and it breaks my heart to see how much suffering you are going through. But you are so strong! I could never have made it through what you have been put through over the past year or so. Its so hard to believe that just this time last year, we really started talking. You drove me home from show practice, and I would feel so awkward and scared that you really didn't want to give me a ride. You did it because you are so incredibly sweet and amazing, and all it took was a kind offering and a wrong turn for us to be the greatest friends ever. Only you and I would get lost in Jersey, admit how embarrassed we were, and then in our sick self-deprecation, tell the ENTIRE school the next day about our forays into the Garden State.

It first hit me that we were best friends during that time when you were hurting so badly. Dargay didn't want to tell me anything, because she said you and I were too close. Go figure that in my lack of confidence, it took another person to notice that you and I were becoming best friends. I was so in awe of how wonderful you were that I couldn't accept that I could ever be worthy of your friendship.

So the point of this letter/post is basically that you are perfect. And boys are fickle. And I know I say it so many times that its starting to sound a bit ridiculous, but one day you will meet a boy who treats you with the respect and love that you deserve. And I understand that you are feeling alone right now... but don't let that get you down. Try new things, look for people that inspire you and make you smile just by the way they act or things they do for others. Thats what drew me to you and hopefully it will lead you to the kind of people that you will love.

You really are the one person that I can trust with anything. Its completely insane how much I opened up to you over the past year... well I completely opened up to you, actually... I have never done that before. I think people are weirded out by how close we are, but its just normal for us. So don't worry. Because I'll always be here for you, no matter when you need me. Just call my name, and I'll be there!

Love always,

Jackie

Closer. Kings of Leon

I'm going crazy. Haha. I'm actually just glad I can feel something again. I'm not emotionally dead on the inside and its nice. But even if you never want anything, its okay because I honestly enjoy being friends with you.

Lessons Learned. Matt & Kim

Seriously. Come on. I can't work harder than I have been. I'll die. But lately I just feel like I'm drowning. I really am trying the best I can to shove more and more information into my head... I need a break. But I can't get one just yet. I know that so many people work harder than I do, but I'm still on the verge of a mental break. If I can get two seconds to breathe, its just to relax before jumping back into the ring. This is so completely ridiculous because I know that its how college is and I should be prepared and blah blah blah. But I honestly was doing so well, its just it got harder. I love college so much, and it just sucks that I haven't quite figured it all out. I know I'll be fine.. its just how I get to there that scares me a bit.

Biology. How can I work so fucking hard all the time and STILL be behind. I don't get it.

And Chemistry. I'll never fully understand it.

Calculus, I actually feel like I'm becoming more of an idiot as we go on. I used to actually know this stuff, where did it all go?

DR's. Heaven and my own personal hell all rolled into one. I am trying so freaking hard just to impress a man who tells me I have no one to impress. Why can't I just shut up and follow his goddamn advice?

I'm sorry, I just needed this a little bit more than I should have.

I miss Michelle. I just need this week to pass. I live for the weekends, they're the only things that make any sense.

Michelle. The Beatles

Thats right. I'm that weird. You have a whole one just for you.

Haha, just thought I'd let you know that you just made my night by sending me that MIKA song. Basically whenever I'm stressed out you make me feel so much calmer and so much more confident. You are seriously the best friend anyone could ask for, and yes, the best lesbian lover anyone could ask for as well. I miss you soooooooooo much it hurts, but at the same time, absence makes the heart grow fonder! Talking to you on the phone tonight was so wonderful, because although I am finally making a ton of friends, I don't necessarily feel comfortable enough to bring up any of what we talk about.. I don't think I'll ever feel that comfortable.

So don't worry about me, because I'm fine knowing that you're still going to be there for me, even if you can't really be here. You're perfect, and everything will work out, boys are stupid thats why we have each other.

I misses you.

Wuv you.